COUPLES COUNSELING—Love Alone, Is Not Always Enough

We have all been educated in just about every significant skill we have, but when it comes to our most prized encounters—our relationships—we are expected to wing it. Although it is true that maintaining fulfilling relationships can be hard work, it is equally true that our successes in this area can provide us with the source of our greatest fulfillment in life. People who are successful at maintaining satisfying primary partnerships are the same people who have gained what I refer to as “emotional intelligence”—the ability to act from healthy, deeply heartening, and consciousness rich states of awareness.

Counseling for couples can lead to profound insights and new lasting positive developments within your relationship by allowing you to develop refined skills in communication, negotiation, empathy, alignment, and what I refer to as “holding the space” for your partner’s emotional releases without your own reactivity. I am extremely adept at work with couples, no matter how difficult the relationship challenges and impasses appear to be today.

Every couple has their own unique dynamics, their own personal baggage from their pasts, and their own family cultures and historical crises that they bring to the partnership. Add to this ball of wax the differences between male and female brains, hormonal activities, and sexual needs and dynamics and you have what oftentimes can feel like insurmountable obstacles and barriers to intimacy.

The fact is, sometimes love really is NOT enough. You need knowledge and skills: gaining these, your relationship can be mind-blowing.


Lesbian, gay, alternative couples may struggle with many of the common relationship challenges, but in addition, alternative relationships must also face other forces that produce relationship strain: cultural homophobia, sexism, family-of-origin rejection, sexism, harassment, and more.

Other kinds of alternative couples can also find themselves at odds with outside influences and expectations. Sometimes religious conflicts or multi-cultural issues add weight to a couples’ load…as do the issues of parenting, blended families and economic stressors. Aging parents, disability, grief or loss—all stages of life—also put additional strain on committed partnerships—but even more so on couples who are not perceived as mainstream.

But . . . there is more than hope out there for challenged couples. There are solutions, adjustments, and improvements that you can implement that will make any challenge life throws at you manageable. I have an alternative relationship myself, and am well versed in the issues we face.